“You’re Not Worth It”

Not the message you want to hear first thing on your birthday. But those words filled my mind as I looked into the mirror that morning. I knew I would be showered with birthday love that day but the enemy of my soul made sure I was filled with a different message of worth.

Let’s back it up a few weeks. I had been in a great place of growth, learning beautiful things in God’s word, and as a result, I was experiencing joy and peace. But in a confident (or stupid!) moment with the Lord, I asked Him in prayer to be humbled, to teach me humility. My goodness, of all the requests I put before him, why would he answer that one so quickly?! Well, He certainly did.

About a week after I prayed that request, I found myself in a situation that had me deeply frustrated, and consequently, I had spilled out that exasperation with someone whom I was working with. It was a situation I was actually at fault but I was feeling justified.  Oh boy, it was not a pretty moment for me.

The next week I was reeling over how I had treated that situation and was seeing some rough and raw edges that I needed to confess before the Lord. I also had to apologize to the person who got the raw emotion in that moment. I was humbled.

Honestly, in that humbling week, I was not praising God for answering my prayer. It was actually a sobering week to have areas exposed that needed work. When Friday morning came of that week, my birthday, I was greeted with, “You’re not worth it” and it hit me heavy and hit me hard. Unfortunately, my flesh resonated with that lie.

I had reached out to some dear sisters and asked them their thoughts on raw and sinful areas emerging from new areas of growth. These faithful sisters reminded me:

“It’s a painful, pruning and scraping and letting go and replacing with new fruit only grown and watered by abiding in Christ.”

“If we’re growing, there’s always something to prune.” 

Matthew Henry says, “Even fruitful branches, in order to their further fruitfulness, have need of purging for pruning…The purging of fruitful branches, in order to their greater fruitfulness, is the care and work of the great husbandman, for his own glory.” Commentary on John 15:2

We need these reminders.  So much shaming and self-condemnation can creep in during these times. The enemy of our soul will often breath lies, half-truths or even truths when we feel beaten down or vulnerable while facing the yuck we see in ourselves. He is the accuser. Revelation 12:10 reveals “…for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God.”

And believing, truly believing that “there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” is what we must hold on to. Romans 8:1

I’ve always loved Philippians 1:6:

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

Matthew Henry wrote on Philippians 1:6:

The work of grace is but begun in this life; it is not finished here; as long as we are in this imperfect state there is something more to be done. If the same God who begins the good work did not undertake the carrying on and finishing of it, it would lie forever unfinished. He must perform it who began it. We may be confident, or well persuaded, that God not only will not forsake, but that he will finish and crown the work of his own hands. For as for God, his work is perfect. The work of grace will never be perfected til the day of Jesus Christ, the day of his appearance.

Working out our salvation is an ongoing process. Being pruned, refined and perfected is painful but necessary for the Spirit’s eternal fruit to grow in us; beautiful, healthy, long lasting fruit that will glorify God and be used for our good and the good of others.  

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desire.” Galatians 5:22-24

We must remain in God’s truth and stay alert to the lies that creep in during these times of refinement.  We might temporarily be pushed to the ground, but we must get up and persevere.

It took me awhile to gather myself and put the focus back on to Christ and off of my failure. He is a good God who wants to lavish His grace on us. “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

Oh how we need God’s truth to fill our hearts and minds!