Must We Forgive Ourselves?

I recently listened to a devotional on Ephesians 1:7 given by a licensed therapist and author. The verse says:

“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace…”

She addressed Christians who are stuck in the shame of their past, and she said, “I think the thing that often keeps us from God is not his inability to forgive our sins, but our inability to receive that forgiveness and forgive ourselves.” How true this is! Except for one tiny portion I question…must we also forgive ourselves as a part of this process?

It is a popular notion in the Christian community to forgive ourselves when we have trouble letting go. I’ve heard it many times and I’ve thought it as well.

I’m not a stickler about God’s truth needing to be verbatim from the Bible. Sometimes biblical truth comes from looking at patterns in the Bible or taking a step back and studying the bigger picture of the whole redemption story. But no where do I see any pattern in the Old or New Testament stating or implying we must forgive ourselves as a part of letting go of our shame.

Here is the question I’d like to ask, “Is God’s forgiveness enough?” Think about it…is his forgiveness of our sin enough to let go?

I think most of us would say a profound, “Yes!”

Christ’s final words on the cross are, “It is finished” (John 19:30).

If it is finished, why do some of us have a hard time letting go of our past?

I don’t think the solution to releasing our shame is then to forgive ourselves. This process of forgiving ourselves could essentially shift our focus from the cross of Christ and back onto ourselves. Maybe that is where some of us get stuck in letting go of the shame; we become self-focused.

We know we are a new creation, indwelt with the Holy Spirit, free to walk in his love, grace, mercy, and truth, and free to have abundant life in Christ this side of heaven.

Then what is the problem in letting go?

We have an accuser (Revelation 12:10) who prowls around (1 Peter 5:8) and is the father of lies (John 8:44) whispering distorted truths and deceptions. He wants to trip, stumble, and ultimately shift our eyes from the cross of Christ onto ourselves. He skews the truth of our past and he lies about the present state we have with Christ. The enemy does not want us firmly walking in freedom but desires us to limp along in our faith.

A few things might help with letting go of shame:

1. Remember continually what Christ did on the cross.
2. Go to the throne of grace. We have full access to the throne where Christ is seated at the right hand of the Father. We can pour out our hearts, seek his protection and ask for help (Hebrews 4:16).
3. Ask Jesus to help take captive of every unwanted thought (2 Corinthians 10:5).
4. Accept your sin nature, not excuse it. Previously written: Acceptance in this case does not mean we embrace our sin nature. It is, however, an honest admission to ourselves and to God that we struggle with the grime in our hearts. This acceptance can release us from the pride-filled shame that keeps us quiet in our corner; this honesty can help us have a humble and contrite heart at the throne of God as we seek him for mercy. It can also release us from fighting our own battle with the flesh, clinging to our Heavenly Father at the throne as we work out our salvation.
5. Remember “there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).
6. Believe “for freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1).

If we are struggling to let go of the shame of our forgiven past, fully embrace, accept, and believe that God’s forgiveness is enough, and let’s continually remember Jesus’s final words before he bowed his head and gave up his spirit, “It is finished.”

“…as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.”

 —King David (Psalm 103:12)

My friend Erin shared a song with me that beautifully reflects this truth:

Belovedness by Sarah Kroger